I saw my mom today for the first time since she was hospitalized a month ago. She is so very tiny and can no longer move her right side. The good news is that she knows who I am and we were able to talk although she did seem to have trouble remembering things I had previously told her so I repeated myself a lot. She held my hand and said that she wants to be wherever I am so that means she is willing to move up to Summerville to be near me. I told her all about the place I had chosen for them and promised to bring the brochures for her to see tomorrow along with a list of things that she requested including magazines, chocolate and her pink sating bedjacket. It is really hard being here at the house without her. Everywhere I look I see her, she is responsible for the placement of every single item in this entire house. I am also realizing that I took her for granted. Now I miss that usually when I come to visit she and Lou are at the end of the ramp waiting for me, we usually go out to Applebees and I have wine even if its noon, she makes all my favorite dinners after asking me what I would like weeks in advance, staying up until midnight just talking about everything, shopping til we dropped at Old Time Pottery and Burlington’s for extreme bargains. These are the things that are not to be anymore and I didn’t truly appreciate them at the time. Isn’t that always the way despite our best efforts to appreciate what we have before it’s gone……..Now we enter a new phase, she and I which will involve me caring for her instead of the other way around. I can do that, I would love to do that but I wish one more time she were here to stay up late and talk to me. If you are reading this and you haven’t called or seen your mom, do it, do both if you can. I am just saying from experience. It will all be okay in the end, it will just be a different kind of ok now than before and it will take some getting used to……………..